Archive for the 'Ramblings' Category


just too old

Back when I was an undergrad, birthday weekends were a staple. My friends and I did not celebrate birthDAYS. We all celebrated and partied for the entire weekend to commemorate our birth. Being young and focused only on living life to the fullest the only way we knew how was the greatest thing to do. Our bodies bounced back the very next day like we didn’t just partied the night away. It was the life as we knew it back then.

Now, as I am approaching the big 3-0, my perspective is definitely not the same anymore. I still love dancing and it remains to be the only perk I now see in clubbing. If I was to have drinks with friends, I would prefer doing it in a place wherein I can sit and have a conversation with them without having to yell the entire night or deal with recently or barely legal individuals. In a way, I have always associated certain types of partying with age. There comes a point in one’s life that the mature gene kicks in and one starts acting like an adult and refuses to act like a drunken fool in public anymore.

Unfortunately, it has been made abundantly clear that a lot of people do not think the way I do. Or maybe I am just surprised that individuals in graduate school with enough life experiences can still choose outrageous public inebriation.

One of my school friends, Ferry, appears to be one of these individuals. Much to my surprise and chagrin of course. Her choice to have fun in the expense of sending her liver to overdrive is difficult for me to comprehend. Then again, I should have expected this as her mentor and her mom (both in their late 40’s) have no qualms going clubbing and getting drunk with her. It’s just plain sad to see anyone of that age party like they just turned 21. Please, grow up. It is a pathetic sight. Acting like one’s age (or an age very close to yours) is key to gaining respect from anyone. Cougars aren’t symbols of feminine strength and sophistication. These are the last things that enter my mind when I see one in a club. At that age, they have the knowledge of the effects of alcohol on their body yet many of them opt to ignore their individual level of tolerance and proceed to use the “I’m too drunk” excuse. I do not think it’s too much to ask anyone age 30 and older to drink responsibly.

My undergraduate uni had a bit of a reputation as being a party school and I have seen my fair share of public displays of drunkenness. None of them really shocked me until this past weekend, Ferry’s birthday weekend. Yes, at the ripe age of 31 she is still doing birthday weekends. I get the whole I’ll drink more than normal because it’s my birthday, but to drink to the point where your friends have to literally drag you home is complete irresponsibility. Staggering was not an option anymore as even this was a feat for her. Then, came the peeing. Yes, she peed on herself. When it happened, my jaw was to the ground. The puking was nothing. The peeing? I could not ignore the peeing especially when we then had to change her. Seriously, I cannot even imagine doing that to my friends. Being a burden to my friends and exposing them to unpleasant situations due to my own stupidity is something I would never do to my friends. Yet, this was what she did to us. Even more shocking is the fact that her friends were not surprised by the peeing. I started to wonder if this was an accepted occurrence. Honestly, that evening she lost some of my respect.



changes galore

The past few days rendered the month of November as the month of ginormous changes in my life. Most of the time life throws you a curve ball that you can hit with your usual or just slightly increased amount of force; however, every now and again that pitch is pure perfection that you have to exert the extra effort and concentration to hit it out of the park. What happened these past few days is that perfect curve ball.

It began right before my trip to the Motherland. I received a letter from my wonderful federal government informing me that I am approaching the limit for my student loans. Honestly, I have not kept up with the number of weeks I have been in school nor was I aware of this limit. Nevertheless, it clearly stated on the letter that I am approaching it. Considering my very busy schedule, I opted to address this matter upon my return.

My return from the Motherland was welcomed with organized chaos. I mentioned in a previous post that class immediately started for me along with a new job. This pretty much occupied my time and energy that I made the decision to delay my inquiry regarding the issue a little while longer.

Then came mid-October.

I finally had the respite that I needed and I contacted someone from the student loans office. The provincial government informed me that I was not even close to reaching the limit on their end. The federal government, on the other hand, proceeded to tell me that I was actually not approaching the limit. I was past the limit! The person I spoke with continued to explain to me that it means they are halting my loans after this year unless I switch to a doctoral program on which they will extend my time frame. This places me in a bit of a conundrum since I still have my practicum year left before I finish my master’s degree. Eventually I do want to enroll in a doctoral program, but at the same time I want to finish this degree so I can work on acquiring my license. Also, the program I am currently interested in requires a master’s degree as its requirement. As a result, I have been in such a pensive mood that I could not even post anything until now. For now though, I do not have a solution yet. It’s still a work in progress.



I remember taking the MBTI for the very first time. As a second year student who partied a little too hard during her freshman year, I decided to avail of the services offered by the university counseling centre. My main reason? I wanted to ensure that I was on the right path. I typically do not make any rushed decisions; however, I am merely human and succumb to certain doubts every now and again. The code I received at that time was INTJ.

A few years later, I had to take it again for my career counseling class. At first, I forgot that I had already taken the assessment before and it was not until I began writing my paper that I remembered. I admit that my interest was beyond piqued in learning that I went from INTJ to INTP. The consistency of the first three codes showed me its reliability in action yet I was more interested on how I have changed from a moderate score in the judging scale to a slight score in the perceiving end. It seems that my temperament shifted from being organized, with a focus on planning to having a slightly flexible and spontaneous approach to life. Of course, having a slight perceiving score really means that I sway between both sides, but I can’t help and wonder what possible events in my life led to the shift. Maybe my perceiving side was suppressed all these years that it took a few years of independently living by myself before it surfaced. Could it be a specific event that was under the radar yet significant enough to swing the pendulum? The thinker in me can’t help but dwell a little bit on this anomaly. It’s so fascinating to me. In the end, the question becomes which temperament do I associate more now. I would have to say…the perceiving. I still like to ponder my future and make plans, but, at the same time, I have more than 1 plan every time in case life happens. I guess the flexibility that accompanied my maturity allowed me to become less rigid and be more prepared for life and whatever it throws at me.


That Cultural Thang

A couple of weeks ago my Mom informed me that she wants me to go to the MotherLand with them to visit my Grandfather because of his deteriorating health. And up until yesterday, it seemed that it may be difficult for me to make this trip. Even though my advisor secured all the documents that I need to travel, my schedule was still pretty hectic to accommodate the trip. However, as if the universe really wanted this to happen, my scheduled 5 day trip to Texas was cancelled last minute. Neere confirmed yesterday that we will not be attending their family reunion anymore. As a result, it seems that what was once an almost unattainable trip is now definitely possible. I spoke to my Mom earlier tonight and she confirmed it. I will be going to visit the MotherLand.

Normally, I would be excited at this point. Who wouldn’t want to visit a tropical country, see family, and surround themselves with their culture? Sadly, I am feeling conflicting emotions. A part of me is excited and happy that I have the chance to see my grandparents and relatives again after so many years yet another part of me is feeling anxious about how I will be perceived when I am there.

I am concerned about not being able to communicate properly to my family. I have full comprehension of my parents’ dialect; however, I am the farthest thing from fluent in their dialect. It also won’t be a surprise if questions about my education will surface. In their world, I am supposed to done school and be a working adult by now or worse already be a doctor, engineer, nurse, teacher, dentist, architect, lawyer, judge, or accountant by now (since other careers don’t really exist for them). I dread having to explain myself.

Then there’s my appearance. I mentioned in a previous post about how my family is weight-centric and now I am heading towards the core of the cultural obsession with weight. Yes, this is creating some anxiety inside me. Unfortunately, I have not been able to shed the weight I gained late last year which only means one thing….I will not just be fat in their eyes…I will be REALLY fat. It bothers me that I care about what they think. It also saddens me that this is even an issue. Ever since I was young, I never fit the tiny Asian mold. Apparently, my parents grabbed a mold from the wrong cabinet, but they kept me and loved my shape as much as they could muster. I can’t really blame my family as it is the culture that shaped their views. Just my luck that being an Asian female equates to a very narrow range of acceptable weights.

So there I will be…Foreign and Fat.

*sigh* I really need to prepare myself for this.


My Two Cents on Healthcare

All the news about healthcare has made me more inclined to avoid following its stories. Obviously, this is quite a difficult task as it is literally the current topic of choice everywhere. The glimpses that I was privy to really proved that I made a good choice in attempting to avoid this discussion. Don’t get me wrong. My indifference has nothing to do with an uncaring stance towards healthcare. My primary reason for this avoidance is the sheer idiotic conversations and arguments that surface ever so quickly the minute healthcare is brought up. Seriously, universal healthcare does not equate hippies and socialism ran amuck. Many individuals need to realize that the PERFECT system does NOT exist. There are always pros and cons to every plan that will be brought to the table. Nevertheless, it is an issue of attempting to select the choice with the most pros to most individuals while avoiding as much cons to as many people as possible. This is not an easy choice and something I am glad that I do not have to make; however, many choose to focus solely on the negatives of any possible solution that it results in a stagnant system. There is nothing wrong with criticism as long as one is impartial enough to be able to accept wholly the advantages as well. For now, if you have nothing to contribute but complaints, without providing any alternatives or suggestions, and basing your said complaints on conjecture (ie. I spoke to Joe Schmoe from <insert country with universal healthcare> and he had to wait 3 months for a finger surgery so lucky him it didn’t fall off in the 3 months he waited. Universal healthcare will be the death of us all said the MediCare patient), look into yourself and think before you speak. Pollution does not merely refer to smog and a depleting ozone layer. It also refers to asinine discussions that continuously spreads poison to the unknowledgeable and at times gullible. So….Be Green, Think Green and Save the Planet.


Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover

With a cover that is almost devoid of any colour, it sat quietly amidst its fellow hardcovers. On any given day, it would not catch my eye at all; however, on that warm, sunny day serendipity intervened. I cannot even explain the logic behind the involuntary, albeit voluntary in a technical sense, movement of my hand reaching for a book in the middle of the pile. I ignored the simple, bland cover and decided that it will be my reserve book in case I do not get the chance to go back to the library. I placed it at the bottom of my large purse and went on my merry way.

At home, I did not disturb my apparently pre-decided order of reading. The first two did not disappoint; however, much to my surprise, I saved the best one for last. What a wonderful book! Dr. Rubin’s writing is nothing but excellent. She was able to convey her private emotions so eloquently along with such a vivid picture of the different patients. Reading it was captivating and informative at the same time. Such a rare treat! I learned about the core of the counseling experience by giving me, the reader, access to her thoughts and feelings as she processed and assessed each of the clients mentioned in the book. I can honestly say that I finished the book with an even much more appreciation of the therapeutic relationship and gained more information about the application of certain skills than any of the textbooks that I have read so far this year. Moreover, it also made me think about my self, my current views, thoughts, and emotions, and my own trepidations regarding the field that I am about to enter. How I have slightly underestimated what life still has to teach me. Also, I realized that I have partly shielded myself for years now with facts and academic pursuit while I continued to stifle certain affect, both positive and negative, for fear of facing them. Clearly, I am a continuous work in progress.

I recommend this book to everyone.


No Wicked

The trio of events that I wanted to see this month consists of Il Divo, Wicked, and Cirque du Soleil. Clearly, Il Divo is crossed off the list. Next in line is Wicked. KP and I were supposed to see Wicked together. Sadly, due to circumstances beyond her control, she was not able to inform me of her financial situation until a couple of days ago. We immediately checked for tickets and, much to our dismay, all the shows are sold out. I’m scoping out Craigslist now; however, the tickets being sold are way past our budget that it looks like we won’t be able to go. It would be a huge miracle if I find affordable tickets.

I guess I’ll just revel in the book for now.

Or hope that I get to wear this:


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