5 yrs wasted with 3 puffs

I quit smoking approximately 5 years ago. After I finished my undergraduate thesis, I woke up one morning and decided that I did not want to smoke anymore. Thus, began my journey to quitting. I did not have a rollercoaster quitting journey; instead, I did it slowly and meticulously. I cut down the number of cigarettes I had in a day until I eventually reached the point when I did not crave it anymore and my day continued its merry way without it. I never really hooray-ed or made a big deal about it because I did it for myself. I did not do it for anyone else.

Now, 5 years later, I have been going through a very emotional stage of my relationship, which sometimes feels like a negative emotion vortex leading to an abyss, that I have been tempted to smoke again. Since last week, I have been fighting it. I refused to buy a pack because knowing myself I would end up smoking the whole thing. I got a hold of a couple of sticks. It’s been sitting in the apartment for a week now. This morning, I really struggled with my emotions and I caved in. I don’t feel shame rather I felt disappointed in myself for not having enough will power and not providing myself with a coping mechanism to avoid this. I had 3 puffs. I could not bear finishing a stick. I just threw it out. *sigh*


1 Response to “5 yrs wasted with 3 puffs”

  1. July 17, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    OMG you poor thing! It is six and a half year after I quit and I still still experience dreams where I smoke again and all those years are “wasted”. I can only imagine how awful it most feel not to be able to wake up. Previously, the longest I had gone was four months and the biggest mistake I made was giving up after a few puffs. Don’t let a few puffs get the better of you or trick you back into being a smoker.

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