Quality over quantity has always been my motto when it comes to friendships. Being an only child, I was content playing by myself. I never felt the pressure to continuously seek playmates. I did not even feel the need to have imaginary friends. To me, solitude did not equate loneliness. Thus, the desire to acquire friendships was not on the top of my list throughout my entire school life. While many tried to achieve popularity, I was quite satisfied with my status at school. I was neither popular nor unpopular. I knew enough people yet not too many. Everything was just right. This is what I am used to.

Let’s move forward to my current situation. Mr Shell expressed to me that he feels a little guilty that I haven’t made friends yet here at Sun City. Now, my definition of friendship extends past merely knowing the person and hanging out with the person every now and again. I do not carelessly make friends with anyone. When someone becomes my friend, regardless of the type of friend, I willingly spend my time and energy to the friendship. My current trepidation is a product of instances when I’ve been burned and growing maturity. Even though distance separates me from my best friends and close friends right now, I am not willing to compromise my stance on friendship because of Mr Shell’s guilt (plus I find his guilt to be unfounded). I did explain this to him and he understands yet he also cannot stop feeling the guilt. My reassurance was futile. He still has slight twinges of guilt.

3 Responses to “friendships”

  1. May 23, 2009 at 6:24 am

    I’m the same way as you – never chalked it up to being an only child before though, and it does likely have something to do with it. That being said, as someone who didn’t make any really close friends during grad school, it might have been a lot easier if I had (and easier on my marriage, but I have had a very stressful grad school experience)

  2. May 23, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    It’s interesting to hear that two only children (you and psycgirl, above) were content to play most solo as kids. I’m the oldest of a fairly large (by some standards) brood, and I always assumed that only children would be anxious to find lots of playmates.

  3. May 31, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    psycgirl: You brought up a good point. My grad experience has not been filled with close friends as well and I can actually relate to your experience. I think the fact that I move around a lot sorta helped me cope initially, but now I have to make a conscious effort to incorporate a form of social life outside of Mr Shell. And this is not really an easy task.

    unbalanced reaction: I can definitely see how you would have that assumption. I have actually met some only children who are very stereotypical ranging from spoiled rotten to people pleasers. There’s not a lot of only children like me and psycgirl, I think.

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